Lawyer Up!

In a hetero relationship, baby-making generally begins with something romantic -- perhaps the fixing of an elaborate dinner complete with candlelight and soft music. At the very least, straight baby-making begins with mutual attraction. Certainly, D's and my relationship began this way, but we're finding that the lesbian baby-making process has a very different start.

I've begun reading up on the process, and I've found Rachel Pepper's The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians: How to Stay Sane and Care for Yourself from Pre-conception Through Birth to be especially helpful. See the side bar for a link to the book on Amazon.com.  Pepper, as well as countless experts on the Internet, recommend that lesbian couples considering conception begin the process by seeking legal advice from a qualified attorney who specializes in custody and reproduction. Such a consultation with a lawyer can become invaluable in states, like ours, in which second-parent adoption is not yet legal for gays and lesbians.  As the non-birth mother, it is exceedingly important to me that I do everything I can to ensure that my relationship with my child is documented and that our known donor's role is clearly articulated. In states like Florida that still cling to homophobic laws, lesbian parents must be sure to develop a co-parenting agreement as well as a donor agreement (if the donor is known). I've read on the Human Rights Campaign website (see link in the sidebar) that these documents may not be upheld in court, but developing such documents is still the best option for securing the non birth parent's legal protections. 

So, this Friday I've scheduled a phone consultation with a custody attorney and a face-to-face meeting with an attorney who specializes in reproduction. For those of you following this blog because you're considering parenting too, I found that the local gay and lesbian center was the best place to find referrals to both gay-friendly attorneys and gay-friendly fertility clinics.

Sadly, there's no candle-lit dinner for D and me; rather, our baby-making process will begin with a formal discussion about legal documents with a (likely) balding man in a poorly fitting suit. Ah, the romance!